


Ghosts of the Past

by JoonyMoon



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Femslash, Flashbacks, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-13 23:08:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoonyMoon/pseuds/JoonyMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lauren's present life seems to be in chaos she escapes to the past in her mind. What happened to Bo?<br/>Teen Bo/Lauren and their story how they find their way to eachother. Angsty tones sometimes a little mysterious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everytime I see your face...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody. I'm new to this page and decided to post my fanfic here too. I uploaded it under a different title because I think it doesn't fit anymore. It won't be an easy ride but for those who are willing to dive in to the drama: I'll make it worth your while.

 

**Chapter 1**

 

The faint shine of the moon was engulfing the dark living room. It was winter and the days were short. I didn‘t recognize the sun going down and the moon replacing it‘s counter part. I didn‘t care about the darkness that was covering me like a warm coat in the cold Novembers wind, protecting me from the empty world outside.

 

Pictures were scattered all over the floor. Pictures of my past. Our past together. A wonderful time my mind often wanders back to. Happy times when I had allowed myself to feel, to be complete.

 

Now I sat in my living room, nursing my fifth or was it my forth glass of wine. I felt slightly tipsy but not more then usual. As a doctor I always warned people about excessive intoxication, but since the accident the red liquid was the only thing that managed to calm my nerves. I new about the dangers, I knew that I was at the edge to be slipping into alcoholism, but I just felt so empty and alone. There was a void inside me that craved to be filled no matter how crappy the substitute were it least it numbed the pain that ripped me apart. I had responsibilities and I used to be so strong but now I was just an empty shell clinging to sanity. I‘ve never imagined that it was possible to be addicted to person but then you came into my life and got me fixed from the first moment. You were my drug, my motivation, my love and my live. There were times I cursed you for entering my life, for causing all this pain but then I saw how ridiculous it was and just gave up. Strong on the outside but a wreck in the inside.

 

It became a routine for me to sit her looking at those old pictures. Pictures of us, when we were kids and some when we were teenagers. Pictures of us at home, at the beach or the park. Pictures connected with happy memories and sad ones.

 

I picked up a photo showing us at the age of 13, hanging out at our special place. It was a few kilometers away from our home town. A private lake, framed by a high metal fence. I had to smile when I thought about how we discovered it. We had skipped school and you were the one who made me, like always. You had never cared about the rules or what others thought. A bad influence my mother called you whenever we came home with cut jeans and dirt all over us. You were always very persuasive and charming. There was rarely a thing I said no to when you were involved. Me always being the one playing by the rules, me being the nerd, me being a walking library you often called me had been skipping classes. I have had no idea at that time were we going you had just told me to trust you. So we jumped in the next bus until it's final destination and ran until we saw that beautiful place. Hidden behind trees and a fence was a small lake. We climbed over the fence, and fell in love with the place and secretly,without realizing at first, with each other.

We came often back here, talking about our lives, skinny dipping, playing or just enjoying the company of one another.

 

I couldn‘t see the photo that was now in my hand because it was to dark but I didn‘t need to. Every contour, every tiny detail was burned into my head. Slowly my finger traced over your features remembering the feeling of your soft skin under my fingertips. It was like your unmistakable scent was filling my nostrils and my body with a warmth I thought I had forgotten. I still remembered the day the photo was taken like it was yesterday.

 

* * *

 

 

_It was actually three AM. I was fast asleep when I suddenly felt your lips on mine. It was just a gentle kiss. My first kiss and it was wonderful. You probably didn't plan for me to wake up to this kiss, because you started to blush when I opened my eyes signalizing that I was awake._

 

″ _I'm sorry Lo... I... you.. you looked so peaceful and cute while you were sleeping.. I.. I shouldn't... Sorry...“ You stuttered, hecticly trying to pull a strand of your dark hair behind your ear._

 

″ _It's okay“ I just said, not wanting to deepen the conversation, to afraid of the outcome._

 

_I wasn't surprised or wondering about your late visit. You often came to my place at night, slipping through the window after you had climbed the tree in front of it._

_You came when you wanted to escape your home. The home your was taking home different man every night. They were loud and you were disgusted. Only lately your mother seemed to have one partner who frequently visited and you wondered why. They were fighting all the time and your mother? The mother who didn‘t care who didn't seem to love you. The mother who didn't respect you, was never thinking anything good of you. You just wanted to get away from her, from them. Especially your „stepfather“ You called him by now. Your stepfather who started to drink himself into oblivion since he lost his job. The same one, hitting you whenever he felt like it. I‘ve never seen him before, but from the things you told me about him, I've hated the bastard and only felt disdain for the woman who called herself your mother. It was a wonder that you didn‘t turn out like her. Your heart was always on the right side. Never did you hurt anyone willingly only to protect the weaker._

 

_After pacing nervously up and down my room you finally spoke. ″Get dressed Geeky McGeek, we go out“_

 

_I stopped questioning you years ago. I loved spending time with you and enjoyed every minute and opportunity._

 

_I just smiled at you. I quickly got dressed, not without feeling your eyes wandering over my body. A slight blush crept across my face. Fortunately it was dark so you couldn't see it. I was very self conscious of my body, but you were always the one who told me that I was beautiful and made me feel like it. I always believed you, trusted you. When I turned after I got dressed I saw you blush, being caught._

 

″ _So.. shall we go?“ I asked. You were a bit stunned about me being this straight forward. Usually I was the one who was afraid of what my father would do or say if he found out, afraid of getting into trouble like we mostly did. But in the end I always was coming with you. Just to see the big fat smile you gave me when I accepted. The smile that was only reserved for me, spreading a warm feeling in my chest. Even though I didn't knew at that time why I felt the warm feeling in my chest. Tonight was the first time I agreed coming with you without a single nonsupporting word, without any reason escaping my logical mouth. I just agreed and felt still giddy from the slight touch of your lips._

 

_While climbing down the tree was easy for you -doing it almost every night- I had some problems. I nearly fell, but you caught me with your long, slender but strong arms. I always felt safe in those arms. The smell of nicotine and leather entered my nose mixed with the scent of your shampoo and body it was your personal, special scent. The scent that always calmed me but on the same time made my heart beat faster than usual. I inhaled it deeply, which send shivers down my spine._

 

_Slowly I pulled away knowing that we couldn't stand here like this forever, even when I wished for it. I looked into your face which greeted me with a shy smile. I returned it until I discovered the bruise on your right eye, which you tried to hide behind make up. But even in the dim light of the full moon the dark purple gleamed under the mask. I pulled up my hand, gently touching the swollen part of your face, causing you to flinch slightly._

 

″ _Did... Did he do it again?“ my voice was soft and full of concern, but you just turned your head away from me. Still trying to keep up your mask. ″Bo...“ I just said. ″look at me...“ and you did. Bottled up tears started to form and you just pulled me into a tight hug. You didn't sob or said anything. You just hold me. I felt your tears trickling down onto my neck. Everyone knew your strong sight, trouble making, never listening to rules, big mouthed Bo, never being afraid. But I knew your other sight. The scared Bo, the nervous Bo, but also the genuinely happy Bo. The always helpful one, the best friend. I didn't say anything, I knew you didn't want to hear it. You just needed me in your arms._

_I often tried to convince you to go to the police, but you refused. Saying that nobody would believe you and that you were scared, scared for your life. And desire everything they.... your mother was still your family._

 

″ _Let's just get out of here“ You said after a while, wiping your tears away with your sleeve. Then you grabbed my hand and we ran. We ran until we reached your car, you had just bought today from the money you had earned the last months in a cafe._

_It was an old yellow Camarro. You stormed to the passenger side opening the door for me. ″My princess hotpants...“ nearly making a curtsey. Hotpants? Must be your weird friend Kenzi who didn‘t seem to like me even one bit._

 

″ _Where to?“ I asked when you started the engine._

 

_You send me a smirk ″You really have to ask? Away Lo... away from this shit“ And we started our journey into the dark of the night._


	2. Kiss me

_We drove in silence just enjoying the company of each other. I sometimes stole a glance at you. Mustering you. I followed your cheekbones, dived into your dark eyes enjoyed the sensation filling me. I was drowning in them. They welcomed me and engulfed me like a warm blanket in a cold winter night. They were so warm but mysterious. My eyes were wandering over your other features. Your dark hair framed your despite the nasty bruise beautiful face. I laughed when you unsuccessfully tried to tame the lonely violet streak which always fell into your face. Coloring a strand of your hair was your newest tiny way to rebel, breaking the habit._

 

_You send me a quick glare, which immediately turned into a wonderful smile the moment our eyes met. I felt like sinking into those dark orbs until you turned your eyes back on the street. Feeling that I already missed looking at you, you gently laid your hand on my knee squeezing it slightly. Together with the quick grin you gave me I felt my whole body tingle, sending little sensations through it._

 

_You had probably no idea at that moment, what a touch of you did to me, or did you? I wasn‘t sure. In all the time I knew you it had always been hard to read you. I just knew that I felt protected and safe whenever I was with you. Long I took to analyze this feelings, trying to find a logical answer to it. But the result had always been the same: My head had no rational answer to it. It was my heart finally telling me what had happened. Under the loud voices of my head it hadn‘t managed to break through at first. I was always the rational one, analyzing things first, so it took long for my brain to surrender and let my heart take over._

_That was a few days ago. Since then I slowly started to understand what was happening to me. And I wasn‘t sure if I should be happy or scared._

 

_I must have fallen asleep, no wonder, I haven't slept very long before you came over. I woke up when the car came to a hold and I heard your voice._

 

″ _Wake up sleepyhead“ You cupped my cheek with one hand, planting a soft kiss on my forehead. This feeling, again. An armada of butterflies were fluttering in my belly and I tried hard to keep that stupid, goofy smile from my face._

 

_I slowly opened my eyes and started yawning and stretching. While doing that I recognized some weight on my arms. Your leather jacket. You must have wrapped me in it while I was asleep to keep me warm. And I felt it again. My heart was making somersaults. I inhaled your scent which was all around the jacket before I got out of the car._

 

_I saw the familiar fence and the sign ' **No trespassing** ' Of course you had brought me to our place. I stretched and inhaled the fresh night air. When I blinked you were already climbing the fence, waving for me to follow._

 

″ _Wait for me“ I yelled, pulling your jacket tighter and followed you. You were already on the other side and started to run with a big smile on your face. You were always fast, making it hard for me to catch up._

 

″ _Come and get me“ You said laughing, while you turned around for a second to wink at me._

 

_I grabbed the metal and climbed up, just to jump down on the other side. I accepted your challenge and ran. I ran through the woods, circling the lake which lay hidden in the center. But I lost you. I stopped at the place where we usually sat, supporting myself with my hands on my knees. My breathing was heavy and my lungs burned, never being the athletic one of us._

 

″ _Fuck..Bo where are you? You know that I'm scared being alone here“ I shouted into the silence surrounding me. It was dark and I could barely make out the outlines of everything that seemed to glow in the dim moon light that the crescent moon at sky spend. The wind was blowing and howling between the trees. Goosebumps appeared and I felt cold, chilly. To say that I was scared was an understatement. Noises, whispers... I shivered and pulled the jacket tighter around me while I was screaming your name._

 

_I looked around. When I was suddenly jumped from behind, I let out a terrified scream._

 

″ _Shh... Lo,“ you hushed._

 

″ _Shhhe?! Shhh?! Are you FUCKING kidding me??? you scared me to death“ I yelled pissed beyond relief._

 

″ _Sorry“ you said between chuckles ″but... but I just had to. Forgive me, huh?“ You poked me into my sides. I was angry, pissed for you using my fears against me, but your puppy dog pout, was irresistible..._

 

″ _Well... Okay, but not without a little punishment“ I smirked. You raised one eyebrow._

 

_Without another warning I started to tickle you, causing you to giggle uncontrollably. ″Noo.. please, have mercy“ You laughed. But I continued, loving to see you giggle whimpering, writhing under my touch, begging for release. The pictures I created made me space out for a moment, sending a warm feeling through my body and inappropriate images to my mind. That moment you used to conter my actions, now tickling me a predatory grin on your face. I ran, you chased me and got me. Still tickling each other we laughed wholeheartedly. Having left the things that bothered us behind us._

_Whenever we were here, it was like we were in our own land. Nothing from outside mattered._

_All boundaries imposed by our families, the society and unfortunately by ourselves seemed to disappear here. Here we were just us. Bo and Lauren._

 

_We finally felt like ourselves. A feeling I only had when I was with you. My father always said you were a bad influence. I say that you are the one that made me feel alive and complete-_

 

_By now we were rolling around the grass, continuing our tickle fight there, after you dragged me to the ground. We were fighting for dominance, neither about to give up._

 

_I straddled your legs, which wasn't easy, because usually you were the stronger one. I used the advantage of being on top, which funnily often was the case when we were doing this. I had always wondered if you just let me. I grabbed your wrists, which were still tickling me and pinned them beside your head._

 

_Just now we became aware of our position, the proximity of our bodies. Your chest was rising fast up and down. Our breathing was still heavy from our fight, but it wasn't the only reason for the increasing of our heartbeat. I felt it again, the urge being near you, to touch you, feel you._

 

_You weren't fighting anymore, neither did I. You just looked at me. Looked at me with these wonderful dark eyes, which mirrored insecurity, desire and maybe love? People say the eyes were the windows of our souls. If that was true, you probably needed to clean yours. I could just speculate of what was going inside you. The fear of misinterpreting something was big, I didn't want to make a fool out of myself._

 

_My look wandered to your slightly parted lips. The soft lips that kissed me earlier. It was just a tang of a kiss, but it already had sent shivers down my spine. I wondered what a real kiss with you would feel like. My heart began to beat faster at the image alone._

 

_The problem was I didn't know how you felt about the kiss, didn't know about your intentions. Were you just playing with me or did you have feelings? I wasn‘t by far the first person you had kissed and not even the only girl. You were always a charmer and the people seemed to drawn to you. I was afraid of being hurt, hurt by the person who was the probably most important one in my life._

 

_And then there were my rational thoughts coming back to me. The rational thoughts, that usually weren't present at this place. You were a rascal, my father didn't like you, and on top of that a woman, a girl. What would people think of us? I wasn't gay, was I? It was wrong, wasn't it? My friends, would they turn away?_

 

_But then my heart chimed in. Why should I care what my other friends would think? The only one that ever mattered were you. I didn't need to define my sexuality. I liked you and that was enough. The tingling, the feeling that was always present when we were together counted more than any fear. The happiness I felt whenever I was with you, was what filled me. No matter what people would think, I needed you, I needed you to live, to breath. My heart spoke against my brain. They fought again..._

 

_Being supported by this place, my heart won, at least for the moment. I didn‘t care for the consequences for once. I just wanted to feel, to give in to what I craved._

_I had let go of your wrist, my right hand was now cupping your cheek, tracing the contours of your face. Your skin was so smooth and warm._

 

_Your eyelids were closed, eyelashes fluttering in anticipation. You obviously enjoyed what I was doing. I couldn't really control my hands, they explored by themselves. I felt your hot breath on my hand, when my thumb slowly traced the outlines of your lips. I barely heard a sigh escaping your mouth. A second later I felt you planting a kiss on my thumb. Even though it was quite a cold night I felt my temperature rising._

 

_You didn't put any pressure on me. no. Your hands were resting on my hips, caressing them with gentle strokes, but you didn't pull me down, or forced me to do anything. You were just waiting for my moves. To afraid to destroy everything that had build up so far, not knowing what was about to come._

 

_We shared another look, beginning to sink into our souls. Your eyes, your windows became clearer and I could make out the desire, the hope, the love that I wished for. It was no longer a blur._

 

_I cupped your face. My heart started beating rapidly. I had never done this before, but I had also never longed for anything this much._

 

_The hands that stroked my hips had stopped and were now resting in anticipation on what was about to come._

 

_I slowly leaned down. My heart hammered in my ears. The thousand thoughts that kept running through my mind had just moments ago disappeared. The only thing left was this feeling. The feeling I was eventually about to give in._

 

_Our lips were just centimeters away now. Your breath was tickling my face. There was no turning back now. I quickly glanced up to your eyes which were being closed again in anticipation._

_You were so beautiful. My look went down again to your soft lips, that I desperately wanted to feel against mine. Melting the fear of my inexperience in these things, this being my first real kiss._

 

_I couldn't hold it anymore and closed the small gap between us...._


	3. Chapter 3

_I have read many books, seen many films and heard my friends talking about kissing, but I never imagined how powerful, how wonderful it would be. None of them must have ever kissed you or they would have been marked. Marked in their souls. Marked for their lives._

_A warm feeling spread inside me, sparks of a thousand lightnings jolted through my body. Your lips on mine felt like I was in heaven. How could this feel so right? I knew at that moment that this was the place where I belonged._

_Your hands were pulling me down a bit. And you took on the lead. I didn't really know what to do. I just knew that this felt amazing._

_We broke apart just for a moment, staring into each others eyes, still not believing what has happened._

_A smile, the biggest smile I've ever seen you gave me, which I returned with one coming out of my deepest soul._

_You pulled my loose hair behind my ear, just to cup my cheek the next moment, circling my face with your thumb. Making me melt into your touch, wanting nothing more than being near you, longing for another kiss, but I was afraid. Bering the inexperienced one I was afraid, of being rejected by you, boring you, being too bad at it._

_″Bo....“ I whispered._

_″Hmm?“ you responded, but not without pecking me on the lips first._

_″I...“ I just stammered. To many feelings were overflowing my young body. It was hard grasping on any coherent sentence to escape my mouth._

_″What's wrong?“ Your voice sounded concerned._

_″I don't really know what to do... I'm sorry about that, I'm probably bad... I wish I could make you feel the same way you make me feel.. If you don't want any...“ I babbled, but was cutten short by your lips on mine. I felt them open slightly starting to suck on my bottom lip, making me let out a small moan. Never did I think how good this could feel._

_But you quickly broke away from me, leaving me confused. You pulled up your other hand. Now both your hands were cupping my face. Your thumbs were stroking my cheeks while you spoke to me._

_″Lauren...“ You softly said. ″You are amazing, but you think way too much. I know that you love your books , but there are things in life you cannot learn about in those. There are things you need to experience...Like kissing... Everyone is different, likes different things. We are having to learn what the other one likes, together Lo. Please remember...“ You pointed at my forehead „you don't kiss with your mind“ You took my hand, placing it on your chest where your heart was beating rapidly. ″...but with your heart“ I nearly cried at your words. Who would have thought that under the rough skin was a hopeless romantic hidden._

_″Can you feel it?“ you asked me. I simply nodded. ″Nobody has ever made me feel like this... So I'd say that you are doing it damn well right“_

_I smiled... You always knew how to cheer me up. Always. So I leaned down, pressing my lips onto yours, tracing the contours of your lips with my tongue._

_Soon both our tongues started to participate and I realized that it wasn't so difficult. We started to loose ourselves in the kiss. Courage blossomed and I nipped at your lip, sucked it in my mouth. Your taste was addicting. Our hands started to roam memorizing every bit of our bodies. But when I felt your hand slip under my shirt, caressing my bare flesh, I snapped._

_My build up courage disappeared as quick as it came. What was I doing here? My rational thoughts came back and so did my fears._

_I pulled away from you and was met by your confused look. I turned my head away, not being able to look you in the eyes anymore. As great as it may have felt, as wrong was it. Wrong. I needed some fresh air, needed to get away from you, if only for a second so I slowly got up._

_″Lo...Lauren?“ You nearly whimpered still clinging onto me._

_″I... I need to pee“ I loosened your grip on me and turned around, walking into the woods. Tears started to flow uncontrollably I stifled my sobs with my hand covering my mouth. What was happening to me? What have I done? What have I done to my best friend? Things that seemed so clear just moments ago became a blur again._

_My best friend.. that's what you were... I must have confused the feelings... That's what it is..._

_But it felt... good... right...._

_My head screamed wrong and I usually believed what my head says, but how can something that felt so wonderful, so right, be wrong? I traced my lips gently with my fingers. Lips that had kissed you minutes ago. Lips that longed to be kissed again, but I couldn't, could I?_

_I slide down a tree with my back, slumping to the ground with a loud thud. My knees pressed to my chest, hugging them I cried into the night. Tears started streaming freely, wetting my cheeks with the salty liquid .And I knew that nothing was going to be the same like before._


	4. Chapter 4

_What was I doing? I knew that I must have hurt you and my heart clenched thinking about how miserable you must be feeling and how stupid my reaction was. How was I supposed to make this right again? Why did my head always have to chime in and why was my mind even against it? This indescribable feeling. My heart wanted to crawl into you, wanted a piece from you just to embed itself in your breast. It wanted to beat in the same rhythm of yours, wanted to be with his counter part. But my mind had to be the jealous one. The rational one it always had been._

_How could I even doubt your feelings for a second? The things you evoked in me were beyond anything imaginable. You‘ve always been honest to me, you showed me how to let lose, to trust my heart sometimes and now I probably made you doubt, feel miserable because of me. My heart was screaming for me to do this right, but my mind weight so heavy on my slender shoulders. It was telling me that I‘d lose you when I‘d fully give in what was a paradoxon in it‘s own way. It warned me to not fall in love because it would hurt to much, but what was this? I was pathetic in my own kind of way. Wallowing in self pity wasn‘t usually not my way to deal with things._

_Frustrated I threw my head back against the tree trunk and was rewarded by something hitting me on the head. Expecting a twig or a small egg my mind stopped for a second when I recognized the content of my hand. Dumbstruck I let the chain of the necklace glide through my fingers. It was cold but the feeling so familiar._

_The weather had taken it‘s toll on it. Dirty and scratched but still so wonderful and heartwarming._

* * *

Reaching down my blouse I pulled out the necklace holding it between my fingers. I calmed down at the familiar weight. „Forever“ I whispered and a single tear crept down my face. With shaking hands I pulled the pendant to my lips and kissed it. Holding on to the piece of silver like my life depended on it I sank deeper into my misery. Having lost the fight my tears were now falling uncontrollably down my cheeks. A sob escaped my lips when I tried to breath, but my lungs refused to accept the air that was filling them. It hurt like nothing had hurt ever before. You had promised me the day you had giving me this and you broke it. I had to calm myself down. My mind escaped from the horrible reality and fled to the memory of our first meeting.

* * *

 

_I was still so young. Sitting alone at the park wasn‘t an unusual occurance. Most children refused to play with me, said I was to nerdy and uptight. I‘ve always been the rich girl who every kid usually met with disdain. Snob, bookworm, know it all were only a few names they had given me over the time. My mother always said that they were jealous, that they wanted to be like me, but I wasn‘t sure about that. I was an early bloomer, teached myself to read very early and used read one book after another. At home, sunken in another world, reading about adventures far far away, I felt far more comfortable then outside where I had to face the cruel reality that killed itself childhood._

_I usually rather stayed at home, alternating between adventure stories and my first simple text books. Unfortunately my parents wanted me to have a social life, wanted for me to enjoy nature. It wasn‘t like I didn’t enjoyed playing at the playground. I saw simple physics on the swings and experimented with the sand and its ability to be formed in many different shades. But the other kids usually laughed at me and destroyed every joy I had been feeling to that point._

_At that particular afternoon I was at the playground again, but this time I was balling my eyes out._

_„Hey why are you crying?“ startled by the voice I looked up and saw for the first time in your beautiful face. A band aid was sticking to your forehead, your clothes were dirty and your knees were scratched when you stood in front of me with a concerned look twinkling in your eyes. A little embarrassed I started wiping my tears away. I couldn‘t help myself but blush uncontrollably. Your look grew more worried when I didn‘t say a thing. You knelled down to my eylevel and gently put your hand on my forehead. Mirroring your actions on your body you shook your head after a short time and let go. „Phew... No fever...I just thought... Erm... sorry for just touching you“ you scratched your neck a little embarrassed turning your eyes down to the ground. A few awkward moments later you had decided to slump down beside me on the ground. The ground was dirty but you didn‘t seem to care. It was a wonderful summers day. The leaves on the tree behind us were rustling in the soft wind. This was usually a more quiet place in the shadow of the old ash but it always had been my kind of safe haven. Always watching over me the ash had protected me even if I only was seated in it‘s shadow. It was cold and lonely sometimes but I liked it that way until you came into my life._

_Fumbling a little nervously with the hem of your shirt you looked so adorable. Your feet were drumming rhythmically on the floor and I could feel the energy surrounding you. Restless and wild._

_Letting go of your shirt you shyly turned your head and looked at me with the most impressive dark brown eyes I had ever seen. „I know I shouldn‘t ask... but why... why were you crying? Did someone hurt or erm... did your doggie die?“ You still didn‘t know what to do with your hands so you drilled a tiny whole in the slight wet ground._

_„It‘s... It‘s nothing. It‘s stupid... You don‘t have to talk to me or... or sit with me...“ I rambled._

_„Don‘t be silly... You look nice why are you sitting here alone?“ You cocked your head sending me a toothy smile. Your concern seemed so genuine so I decided to be honest with you. „I... I was sitting here... reading but then a older boy appeared and took my bag and my book... Really it‘s... it‘s ok, it was my fault...“_

_„Your fault? How can it be your fault when some fathead steals your things?“_

_„I shouldn‘t have gone out... stayed home instead of coming here... I know better... I know that Vex and his gang always walks around here making trouble...“_

_Your look grew darker when you positioned yourself in front of me. Your knees were digging in the muddy ground hands on my knees to support yourself. Dark orbs were fixing me intently. „Vex? That‘s the name of the guy who did that? Where is he?“ You jumped to your feet. „Show me, I‘m gonna teach him to mess with someone his own size“ You were already cracking your knuckles forming them into fists. I quickly got to my feet putting a comforting hand on your visibly stressed shoulder. I was in awe by your protectiveness even though you didn‘t know me, but on the same time I was a little frightened. I used to get out of the way of any conflict that could arise. I rather stayed calm and reasonable instead of taking actions._

_Your muscles were flexing in anticipation under my hand. You were about to run, looking for Vex not caring how strong he might be, not knowing where you could find him. I grabbed your wrist before you were able to escape, turning you around so you could face me. I‘ve met your questioning face looking at me._

_„Please don‘t go... Vex is strong and I mean really strong.“_

_„You think I‘m weak?“ you looked so hurt in that moment that I could have kicked myself for my words._

_„Yes...No.. I mean... He is older, stronger and meaner... Just... please. I don‘t want you to get hurt...“ I pleaded you. I couldn‘t let a complete stranger getting hurt because of something silly like my bag._

_„But your bag... your things...“_

_„Are not important... Why do you even want to help me? You don‘t know me... I‘m a complete stranger...“ You turned completely now standing only a few decimeters away from me. „Because I was once you... and... I‘d like to know you... I know it sounds stupid but... I just... well... wanted to talk to you...“ A deep blush adorned your face._

_„I‘m Lauren“ I said. Something inside me was drawing me to you, a voice in my head told me to know more about you how important you would be in my future I didn‘t know at that moment._

_You smiled again at the mentioning of my name. „Bo... Well... actually Ysabeau but please don‘t call me like that...“ I had to smile at you. Maybe, just maybe I had luck for once in life and found friend._


	5. Chapter 5

_„Look what we have here... Lewis found herself a friend.“ sneered the older dark haired boy that was coming closer. „Did you already arrange your kindergarten marriage?“_

_„Is that Vex?“ You whispered into my ear. I just gulped and nodded weakly. He wasn‘t alone. His trusty companion was following him, my pink bag with drawings of cute kittens was dangling in his meaty hand. Hugo had never been the smart one but he was big, fat and agressiv and Vex‘s lap dog._

_„That‘s not yours“ You hissed pointing at the bag in hugos hand. „Give it back and I will be nice“ You were standing taller, your eyes formed into slits._

_„Bo... please...“ I whispered but you seemed to ignore me._

_Vex gave a laugh. „Where did you find that energizer bunny? Did you charm her or why is she protecting you like a rabid guard dog?“_

_„I count to three...“ you growled._

_„And then what? You gonna cry? Cry like the babies you two still are? Go home and play with the other kids. I don‘t a have a problem with you only with Richie Rich here.“ He pointed a waving finger at me. „You only have to go back to daddy crying and you will get your precious books back...“_

_„One...“_

_„Oh really?“_

_„Two...“ you clenched your hand to fists. Every try to calm you down bounced off from you._

_„Go little girl, this is not your fight, I don‘t have time for this...“_

_„THREE!“ You yelled and stormed forward._

_Everything happened so fast. All I remembered was when we were watching Vex and his partner limping away, shaking his fist while he swore to take revenge._

_My lungs were burning and I felt a few cuts and bruises forming on my skin. Adrenalin was still pulsing through my veins when we slumped down exhausted. We just laughed for a long time still not really grasping what we actually managed. The pink kitty backpack was resting securly between my knees while I looked through my things. Everything was still there what surprised me even my copy of the grim‘s fairytails the booked I love dearly since my mother had read the first story from it to me._

_My laughing dying down I picked up the old book. Smelling on it‘s pages picking up the familiar look calmed me down and send a smile to my face. It wasn‘t a pretty book. It looked worn, the paper was wrinkled on some pages but it was still beautiful in its own ways. I‘ve found it at the fleamarket once and kept it as my treasure. The stories about witches and dwarfs and all the mystical creatures had always fascinated me so much that I even started to draw what I thought the creatures would look like. I‘ve made a whole encyclopedia of all the creatures and knew every little detail. In my free time I often visited the library borrowing all kind of books containing mystical creatures. You could ask me anything and I knew it and that was one of the reasons why I hadn‘t any friends until you appeared._

_I felt your eyes watching me while I was inhaling the calming scent of the old book. You smiled warmly while you supported yourself on your ellbows. I could see the bruises maring your beautiful face and I felt guilty for being the reason for it. Carefully I was stroking the cover of the book. It wasn‘t beautfil, but what was stored inside was what it made special. Taking a deep breath I made a quick decission. Gently putting the book on your lap you looked a little confused._

_„I...I want you to have it. I know it doesn‘t look so good but... but it‘s my favorite...“ I saw your eyes widen and I suddenly felt dumb. „I‘m.. sorry it‘s stupid... God I...“ You moved quickly and stopped my rambling by putting your hands on my shoulders. „No, it‘s not stupid really not it‘s just...“ You lowered your eyes „Noone has ever giving me something...“ You looked embaressed. „But... I can‘t accept it...“ I looked at you questioningly._

_„I saw how you looked at it. It must be very important to you....“_

_„It is, but... I want you to have it... It‘s the least I could do after what you did for me... „_

_„I...“_

_„Please... Keep it... I know every story by heart... If you don‘t like it it‘s ok...“ I got self concious again. I wasn‘t sure why I was so adamant for you to have the book. You were carefully turning the pages, looking at the artistic pictures. „Wow... so beautiful... You really.. you really want me to have it?“ I just nodded and could swear that I saw a tiny tear forming in your eyes. You catched me by surprise when I felt your arms closing around me pulling me into a hug. „Thank you“ you whispered and slowly let go of me. Your hands were fumbling at your neck until a necklace were dangling at your fingers. I was still stunned when you put it around my neck. The heart shaped pendant was warm on my skin._

_Your smile was wide when you looked at me. I was still speechless while I was gently stroking your gift with my fingers. „We‘re friends now“ You said smiling. „Forever“_

 

* * *

 

Still sitting in the dark room I sobbed painfully. The pendant in my hand my eyes wandered to the old and battered book mingling with several medical textbook in the bookshelf. „Forever...“ I whispered again when my tears dryed up. Gulping down the rest of my wine I picked up the fotos. They almost slipped out of my hand when I recognized the small figure standing at the door frame. A stuffed penguin clutched to her breast deep brown eyes were staring at me. The dark brown hair was tousled like she just came out of bed.

 

I instantly let go of what I was doing and knelt down. „Charlie? It‘s late, you should be sleeping“ my voice sounded concerned when I checked the time.

 

„I... I can‘t sleep...“ she stuttered.

 

„But you have to... You need to be fit tomorrow.“

 

„But... But I‘m so nervous...“ her feet were drawing invisible circles while she pulled her stuffed animal tighter.

 

„Because of tomorrow?“ She nodded. „I... I will see mommy again?“ I gulped. Charlotte was still to young to grasp what had happened so I just nodded. „Can... Can I talk to her?“

 

„Yes of course“ _But she can‘t answer you_ was what I wanted to add _._ I felt the pain pulling me down but I couldn‘t crumble now. I had to be strong. Strong for Charlotte and strong for you. „Can... Can... erm.. Sleep with you tonight?“ she asked shyly.

 

I nodded and smiled sadly at her while I picked her up. Making our way upstairs I felt Charlies arms holding tightly onto me while her head rested in the crook of my neck. She was starting to fall asleep while she listened to my steady heartbeat. The moment I tucked her in she was fast asleep. I pressed a loving kiss on her temple and watched her for a few moments enjoying how peaceful she looked despite everything that had happened.

 

Taking a deep sigh I decided it was time for me too to go to bed. I quickly undressed but stopped infront of the mirror. My eyes were fixed on the large scar on my abdomen. Fingers traced the raw line of flesh causing memories I wished to forget to return. Clenching my hands to fist I supressed the urge to shatter the reflecting glass and put on some shorts and a tanktop instead.

 

Sitting down on the bed I reached for the pills patiently waiting for me. Not caring about water I swallowed two pills. One for the pain and the other to help me to finally catch some sleep. Cuddling into my blanket I closed my eyes drifting to sleep and returning to the nightmares that were expecting me like every night since the accident.


End file.
